a breach in the wall

It is difficult to share these words. It is difficult to share something so personal. I have spent a lifetime building my wall. This wall protects me.

Does it protect me from ridicule?
-> Do I care what other people think?

It protects me from rejection. By sharing fears, desires and dreams, the relationship between me and my friends and family may change. They may learn something that they didn't know and take a step away. It's difficult to make good friends and any diminishment of that would be tragic, painful.

A breach in the wall is dangerous. It can lead to pain and there is enough pain in life as it is without inviting more. It seems like a worthy risk though to expose these thoughts if it makes any of those bonds stronger.

Sometimes the only way to expunge myself of an abundance of grief is to write the pain away. Let words take the feelings with them. The pain is still there but just in a different form. It has been trapped in a far away place.

Oh yes, the pain will return and I will again grab ink and quill. That is the nature of the beast.

I hope you understand.